Do You Have to Be Tough In Leadership?

The answer is no... not all the time. In fact, being though can have the opposite effect.

 

I can hear the smooth tones of Mr. Burt Bacharach singing...

"What the world needs now is love, sweet love, It's the only thing that there's just too little of..."

You could substitute LOVE with LEADERSHIP too.

I woke up at 3:45am Tuesday for a 5:00am client facilitation in New Zealand. I showered changed and ready to go live as I had to race into the city for an in person full-day facilitation with local clients right after the NZ session. No pyjamas and a business shirt for this call unfortunately!

At 4:35am I go an email from the CEO to say he had COVID and was unable to speak. As he couldn't participate in the process he wanted to reschedule. He was profoundly apologetic for getting me up early and squeezing this session in for them before a full day with other clients.

It would be easy to be pissed off about it. Wasting my time. Getting me out of bed at a ridiculous time (#NotAMorningPerson) etc..however none of that mattered in that moment (or even now) to me. Another human being was suffering with a serious illness. I told him not to apologise. This is a harsh reality of the world we live in right now. It could happen to any of us at any time. I wished him a speedy recovery and that I would be here waiting to be of service as soon as he got his health back.

As easy as it would be to be pissed off, it was equally as easy to be compassionate and kind. Next time it could be me letting down 15 people of a leadership team as I am unable (for health reasons) to be able to serve them...I would hope that that news would be received with compassion and kindness too.

People are struggling to process everything that is going on in the world, let alone their own lives right now. Everyone is dealing with something.

What the world needs now, is love, sweet love...

Respond with kindness

With love, Dave

 

WEEKLY FERGASM

COMPASSION

“Compassion is fuelled by understanding and accepting that we’re all made of strength and struggle – no one is immune to pain or suffering.”

- Brene Brown

As write to you today from ‘soggy’ South East Queensland, in some places the water is still rising. Brisbane River hasn’t peaked yet even though the rain ‘stopped’ 3 days ago (though it’s due to start again tomorrow). And while so many people still anxiously lie in wait, for those of us affected here on the Gold Coast, we have already begun the painstaking, foul smelling task of discarding that which has been destroyed.

Street after street, not too far from here, the kerbs are lined with carpet, beds, couches and clothing. There are hoses and high pressure cleaners and mud brooms cleaning down walls INSIDE houses. My housemate – a strong, stoic, yet very empathetic man - called me devastated from ground zero this morning as he does his bit to assist in the recovery effort.

It’s confronting. It’s compelling. It’s incomprehensible. It’s unprecede… NM #toosoon

And that’s the thing with being empathetic, especially as a water sign (as both my housemate and I are) – we FEEL everything, everyone. Especially FLOODS (which are all about water, and water is also the element linked to emotions), and that’s what it feels like - a FLOOD of FEELS. 

Us though, we’re the lucky ones.  Like sure, we had no power for a few days and we couldn’t get more than 1km down our road for a bit, but pfft, big deal #firstworldnonissues. Apart from being ‘a bit wet under foot’, our life and home looks - and really is - so fine, great and dandy #blessed.

But I don’t FEEL like that today. Or yesterday. At all. I feel anxious. I feel sick. And I feel guilty that I’m feeling anything other than elation and great joy and convicted in gratitude right now. 

I feel guilty that I’m not down there helping out more – or at all. I feel guilty that I could – should – be making more of my fortunate situation, being more productive and doing more (any would be nice) work today, and every day. 

And yet here I am, paralysed in ‘feeling’; scattered, unfocussed and ungrounded. 

Feeling everything. Doing nothing. Looking in the pantry for answers (where are my emotional eaters out there?)

I get it, though. This is life. This is what we’re called to rise above. We chose this and I own it fully. And with SO MUCH sh!t going on out there in the world right now (it’s not just here - I just speak to that which is my reality today), I am reminded and encouraged by this:

What’s wrong is always available – and so is what’s right.

Pain, though it’s painful (who woulda thunk it, pain is painful) - brings people together. So does having no power on in the house, I’ve never seen so many people out and about in the neighbourhood smiling and waving.

Suffering, can help us find purpose (Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl). 

And so if empathy is a tool of compassion, how then can we better channel ‘the feels’ more effectively to raise our individual and the vibration to transmute this beautiful human emotion to something other than rocking in the corner eating peanut butter straight out of the jar?

Here are the 3 things I’ve learned:

1)     Move. 

Move your body. Walk, jump, shake on the spot, up and down your hallway, if you’re at work run to the toilet or something. Ladies - do hip circles. We carry so much of our emotion in our pelvis. Gents, punch something (recommend against walls or faces though). There is a bunch of science about this that I won’t get into here – but simply put, literally move your feels around and out in a way that is good for you.

2)     The better feels are not in the pantry.

Or the fridge. Or in mindless scrolling. If that’s where you find yourself, see point 1 to save yourself from adding more guilt to your already anxious heart by searching for meaning in another row of chocolate. They’re just dopamine hits, but if you feel like being hit again in your already vulnerable state, then sure, go right ahead.

3)     Have compassion and empathy for YOURSELF.

Take solace in the fact that you actually have FEELINGS for OTHER BEINGS – and that’s what makes you AWESOME. 

THANK YOU for not being a sh!t human xx I love you xx

Just because what you’re witnessing in the world might not be happening to you directly, could it actually be ok that you’re feeling it too? Because that emotion needs to be processed somewhere by someone, and the folks in the middle of the cluster ain’t got no time to feel right now, they’re just doing what they gotta do to survive. 

Or maybe it is it is happening to (for) you? And if it is – whatever ‘it’ is - please know that we see you, we feel you and we’ve got you. It’s what makes us all real. The rawness of it reminds us that we’re not actually dead on the inside after all. Dead isn’t painful feelings. Dead is being void of any emotion.

Written by Lisa Ferguson, Leadership Coach